


An Unexpected High

by allthewaytoerebor



Series: Tolkien Fic Week 2020 [2]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff and Crack, Husbands, M/M, Marijuana, Tolkien Fic Week, TolkienFicWeek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:41:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24377428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allthewaytoerebor/pseuds/allthewaytoerebor
Summary: “This is a type of grass from a faraway land. They call it “Marijuana”, and it’s much better than tobacco,” Valdemar laughed, “Trust me, I smoked half a gram before coming here.”He closed the box and handed it to Bilbo. “I hope you have a good trip.”“Trip?” Thorin was confused. They hadn’t planned a trip?
Relationships: Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield, Dwalin/Nori (Tolkien)
Series: Tolkien Fic Week 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1757362
Comments: 9
Kudos: 36





	An Unexpected High

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cloudsforhong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudsforhong/gifts).



> This is my first time writing crack, so go easy on me uwu.  
> The prompt for day three of tolkien fic week is "a gift", and I've had the idea for this fic for a loong time, so I figured this would be the perfect opportunity to write it! 
> 
> Personally I love weed, so I wanted to explore the idea of some Tolkien characters getting high for the first time.
> 
> Enjoy <3

It was Bilbo and Thorin’s 10th anniversary.  
Ten years of peace in bag-end. Ten years of flower picking, cooking, love, laughs, books, comfort, walks through the woods, and the occasional small adventure of their own. Thorin was kind. He was loving, grumpy sometimes (Bilbo knew what he was getting himself into), and Bilbo had never in his life been happier.  
Nothing unexpected ever happened. 

Well, until their 10th anniversary.

“Someone’s at the door, will you get it?” Bilbo yelled from where he was standing in the kitchen.

Thorin got up from the flowerbed, washed the dirt off his hands and opened the door.  
A strange looking hobbit with glossy eyes and a dizzy smile stood in front of him.

“Master Oakenshield!” He spoke before giggling. 

“May I help you?” Thorin was puzzled.

“It’s me, Valdemar Gamwich!”

“My apologies, I don’t-”

“I’m a distant relative of Bilbo’s, and I have a stall down at the market,”

“Oh,” Thorin recalled, “you sell excellent tomatoes!”

“Thank you!” Valdemar giggled more. “I came by to wish you a happy anniversary, and I bring a little gift of my own,”

Thorin opened the door completely, “Come in, Bilbo’s just getting tea ready,”

The two of them walked into the living area of the cozy hobbit hole.

“Valdemar, what a pleasant surprise!” Bilbo smiled.

“Bilbo! Happy anniversary!” the hobbit pulled Bilbo into a quick embrace.

“Good heavens, you reek! What is that smell?” Bilbo asked bluntly.

“That, my friend, is this,” He said slyly as he pulled out a wooden box from his coat. Inside was the greenest (seemingly) tobacco Bilbo and Thorin had laid their eyes on.

“It smells strange,” Thorin frowned.

“Is it tobacco?” Bilbo was curious.

“This is a type of grass from a faraway land. They call it “Marijuana”, and it’s much better than tobacco,” Valdemar laughed, “Trust me, I smoked half a gram before coming here.” 

He closed the box and handed it to Bilbo. “I hope you have a good trip.”

“Trip?” Thorin was confused. They hadn’t planned a trip?

“What an exotic gift, but this is barely enough for ten rounds,” Bilbo complained.

“Oh, but you won’t need more than one round. In fact, you shouldn’t smoke more than one round,” Valdemar looked extraordinarily mischievous.

“Need? What do you mea-”

“I really ought to be going, much to get done today. Again, happy anniversary to the two of you!” and with that, Valdemar went out the door. 

As the hours went by more gifts were given. However, none of the gifts were as strange as the “marijuana” Valdemar had given them.  
As the clock struck five in the afternoon, their awaited guests arrived.

“Dis!” Thorin stormed into his sisters arms.

“Thorin!”  
“And Bilbo, how nice to see you again!” she proceeded to tightly embrace her brother-in law.  
Dwalin, Nori and Balin also greeted their hosts warmly.

The party moved into the dining room. Much cheer was in the air as they dined, drank, and chatted.

“So, Fili’s still managing the mountain sufficiently?” Bilbo asked.

“Yes, communication with Thranduil and his lot are going better by the day, thanks to your nephew’s complaint nature,” Dis raised her eyebrows at Thorin.

“My mind remains unchanged. He is and shall always be a three-shagger.” Thorin grunted.

“Ah, and what else is new?” She laughed.  
Bilbo wheezed. Thorin looked very disappointed.

“Some things never change,” Balin said cleverly.

After the dishes had been done, Bilbo remembered the strange gift they had acquired earlier.  
“Have any of you heard of a grass called “marijuana”?”

Everyone shook their heads.  
“Sounds exotic,” Nori commented.

“That’s what we said too. Valdemar, This odd fellow, gifted it to us.”

Bilbo found the box, opened it, and passed it around for everyone to see.

“Smells strange,” Dwalin said. “I don’t like it.”

“I do! Is it for smoking?” Nori asked.

“Yes, though he said it should only be smoked one round at a time,” Bilbo indulged.

“Well, what do you say we try it?” Nori smirked.

“I don’t see a problem with it,” Balin nooded.

“Pull out your pipes, lads!” Dis exclaimed.

“Not inside!” Bilbo rushed the dwarves, feeling nostalgic. 

They headed outside. After they had sat down on the grass, they prepared their pipes.

“Remember, only one round!” Bilbo stressed.

The box was passed around once more, only this time they filled their pipes with the foreign grass.

Dwalin took a puff. A look of disgust overthrew his face before he exhaled. “Strong stuff this, tastes horrible!”

Nori was lying with his head in Dwalin’s lap.  
“Again, I rather like it!” he said before he blew the smoke into his husband’s face.

“Very interesting. I wonder what the effects of this shall be,” Balin speculated.

“I doubt they will be anything special,” Dis spoke.

Bilbo took an eighth puff.  
“Oh no, what’s happening?”

“Bilbo, what is it?” Thorin responded immediately. 

“My heart’s beating really fast, and my mouth is incredibly dry,”

“Are you all right?” Thorin took his hand.

“Thorin, what if it’s poison?”  
To this, Thorin surprisingly laughed.

“Why are you laughing?”

“I don-hahahah, poison, wha-HAHAHHAHAH,”  
Nori joined in, laughing so that the ground rumbled. 

“What in the world is going on?” Bilbo was starting to worry.

Balin chuckled, “it must be the effects. How delightful.”

“I feel so relaxed,” Dis beamed. She took one more drag from her pipe, then layed down.  
“Wooooah, try laying down, it feels soooo nice,”

The others layed down on the grass.

Dwalin laughed. “Maybe I’m starting to like this.”

“I’m not, I just feel anxious,”

“Bilbo, just breathe,” Thorin cuddled close to Bilbo. “I have no idea what’s happening, hahaha, but I loooove it,”

Bilbo inhaled fresh air a couple of times.

“See? That’s it.”  
Thorin couldn’t stop laughing.

“Woooah, your chest is shaking, making my...my whole body shake,” Bilbo was in awe. “Isn’t that amazing? Energy is just passing from you...to me...hahaha, it’s like we’re having sex,”  
Thorin laughed harder. 

Bilbo was smiling like an idiot, curled up against Thorin. He didn’t remember that they were outside, and anyone who walked past would see them. If it did occur to him, he was too influenced by the so called “marijuana” to care.

“Isn’t it bizarre,” Balin started. “Up there, on the sky, all of these distant lights are shining. I wonder what’s up there”

Nori snorted. “You white bearded fucker, sometimes you just need to relax.”

Dis laughed, “He just called you a white bearded fucker, haha”

Balin sighed, “That’s the best you've got, starfish?”

“OOOOH DID HE JUST-” Thorin yelled.

“My brother just owned you, my dear starfish,” Dwalin chuckled.

“Wankers,” Nori smiled.

The group of five dwarfs and one hobbit stayed there until the high started wearing off. A week later, when all of the marijuana had been smoked, Bilbo and Thorin went to Valdemar for more. 

It seemed they had become what would later be referred to in the shire as “stoners”.

**Author's Note:**

> Whaaat a trip. I hope you found it enjoyable!  
> kudos and comments are appreciated x


End file.
